Tired
by lrigD
Summary: Just some little one-shots, mostly, if not completely, Tony and Ziva. Starts from 6x08 Cloak.
1. Chapter 1

**_How could anyone expect me NOT to write about last night's NCIS episode Cloak??  
It was awesome. Really, really amazing. Even without all the TIVA moments it'd still be amazing. I'm so overexcited right now xD  
So I think that if you are actually reading this, you have either already seen the episode or you don't care for spoilers, so I'm just gonna talk.  
When they had to hide from the guard, she was so ready to kiss him! It was like she was trying to figure it out, she was looking at his lips and all... I wish the guard would've stayed in front of that door longer xD  
And then the already famous elevator scene... Wow! After I wrote this little piece I realized that Tony probably wasn't talking about them but about being a puppet, but Ziva definitely wasn't. I can't wait for the next episode!_**

**_Oh, for the people who read my other stories too - I am working on the sequel to Touch, I'm just not going very fast. I have a bunch of tests, a tv show (Bones, which is a great show), a report and a Dutch version of Christmas coming up, for which I have to buy presents, which I haven't done yet. All in all, I'm pretty stressed at the moment. But I almost finished the first chapter, I just want to write a bit more before I publish it._**

Enough said, enjoy and please review! I'm really looking forward to talking with someone about this episode... Nobody I know here has already seen it . (stupid people - being in a different country doesn't mean you can't see it!)

* * *

Ziva closed her eyes to prevent herself from following Tony and do what she'd been longing to do all day. To stop the wetness in her eyes she could feel.

_Not the time,_ she reminded herself. _Not the place, either._

They were in the middle of an operation involving a security breach. Her job was in danger, all of their jobs were in danger. The mole had definitely gotten them out of their usual rhythm.

She forced herself not to mention any names yet, but she was almost certain it was Lee. She had never trusted her. Lee was too slick, somehow just a bit _too_ good. And the way she had been with Tony…

_That__ is not a reason,_ she reminded herself. _That is just plain jealousy_.

She knew it was. She had known so for a long time, just refused to acknowledge it. But now it seemed useless to deny the inevitable any longer.

His eyes when she had admitted she had thought that it was him who had been shot had been telling her something. She was sure her own eyes had told something, too. She had let herself go; she had basically admitted her feelings right there in front of him.

Not that she felt sorry. She just wished it had been a different time. A different place, not the elevator of the NCIS building, while Tony was raging about hidden agendas. She knew what he felt like; she had often felt powerless against the high ups at Mossad, who kept her in the dark about pretty much everything. She was tired of having to figure out everything by herself: the possibility of making mistakes was just too big.

He had said he was tired of pretending… Did it mean what she thought it meant? Her heart jumped involuntarily at the thought.

She was tired too. Tired of being the hard ass Ziva David, not afraid of anyone or anything. She _was_ afraid of things. Admitting that to someone was just another thing she was afraid of.

But maybe things would change. The scene just a moment ago had proved that to her, things _were_ possible. Change was possible. Everything was possible. She would just have to wait until this mess was over.


	2. Chapter 2

**_Ok, very, very short, but I couldn't just talk about Ziva, right?  
Also, to those who put an alert on this story: there's not gonna be a new chapter until at least next week. I didn't even intend this to be something other than a one-shot at first.  
And please review!_**

Tony cursed himself as he walked through the bright orange corridor. He had had the opportunity, right there. And yet he'd pulled back again, he'd let the moment go because of his stupid fears. He could just shoot himself.

He pushed it away to focus on what he was about to do. He couldn't keep quiet any longer; he just needed to vent some anger and Gibbs seemed like just the right person for it. It was risky, raging against his boss, but he just wanted to know what the hell was going on. He wanted to solve at least some of this mess that had been dictating his life for so long now.

The lying, manipulative business that was called politics. He was so tired of it, so tired of being lied to. After Jeanne he'd hoped it'd be the last big undercover op he was involved in. Hoping to catch a break, he'd allowed himself to try and move on. And now it all came back, the lying, the conspiracies were starting all over again.

And yet when he'd told Ziva that, she had reacted in a way that told him she wasn't merely talking about being a puppet. She'd been talking about something else… and he wanted to find out. After this whole mess has been cleared.

It just had to be over. He liked the job, but he wanted to keep away from politics as far as possible. He hated the politics.

And right now he needed to let his boss know that.


	3. Chapter 3

**_OK, these notes are going to be longer than the actual thing.  
I just watched Dagger, and though the whole spy-revelation-thing was awesome, there wasn't much tiva-ness to work with. The one scene that WAS there, though, is incredibly hard to describe and an insight into Ziva I have longed for since day 1. So. I kind of felt like violating something, writing this, and I have no idea why Ziva teared up. I don't even know what I am describing here. Let's just say, I look forward to next week more than ever.  
Oh, and everyone, thank you for the reviews. It was really amazing to see so many alerts, faves and reviews for just two small things. I hope I'm not disappointing you with this. _**

* * *

She watched as the old man and the little girl interacted. She didn't even know that the woman who had been taking care of her so long was gone… Vanished, off the face of the world. Gone for the rest of her life time, leaving nothing but memories behind…

She vaguely registered Tony looking at her, but it didn't matter. She couldn't tear her eyes away from the scene in front of her. Like a daughter to a father, young to old – experience to purity.

It was not fair, the way it had ended for this little girl. Too small to understand, everyone around her acting as though nothing happened – it would never be the same again, not for the little girl and not for her.

She had been speaking the truth when she talked to Agent Lee. She understood why she had done it. She had not elaborated, afraid to say more; afraid to say anything beyond what was necessary to give Agent Lee _some_ consolation.

And now she saw the result of Agent Lee's sacrifice… She knew what had happened, even though Gibbs had been strangely quiet about it. Gibbs had to tell this little girl her surrogate mother was dead, that she was to stay with an aunt whom she had probably never met…

It was all too familiar. She knew tears were threatening to fall; she could feel them form in her eyes. For once, she did not care. This wasn't just another case and they all knew it.

When she realized she was actually crying, though, her usual instincts took over. Taking one look at Tony, she came back to reality and walked away.


	4. Chapter 4

**_Ok, this is crap. I just watched the Road Kill episode and it was nice :). I liked the things I noticed between Tony and Ziva. Probably just my imagination in overdrive. But I wrote about that here - partly, anyway. _**

The situation at NCIS had turned back to the way it used to be. No more spies, traitors or anything alike, just the regular cases they'd always had. Back to normal, back to the way things were before the whole Lee debacle.

But she sensed something, a heavier layer to their usual banter. An atmosphere laced with tension, with what could have been. The looks were more lingering, loaded with something she could not name.

They stood closer together, stepping over the colleague-space and into personal space. Not that she minded. It was not irritating, but rather more comforting to know that he was at the same place she was. Ready for it.

They were on the border, she could tell. Debating internally what to do. Relying on the other one, getting to know them better. The information she had shared with Tony about Shmiel Rubenstein was not very important, only trivial to what was going on in their lives. But she shared, which was more than she did in the beginning. She could feel he noticed, too, and he enjoyed these little snippets into Ziva David's life.

But later on, the conversation in the bullpen, that had meant something. She basically admitted she had never had the time or the right to be a child, to act childless without a care in the world. She had grown up with rules, regulations. Not with toys and fluffy animals. However much she had wanted to plays with them, she had never been allowed to. Always the good child, the miniature replica of her parents.

But maybe Tony was right. Now she had the chance to catch up on those stolen moments. Nobody was here to tell her not to.

She looked around more precisely. _Nobody_ was here. The bullpen was entirely deserted. Tony had left the building, inviting her to join him but she had reclined. And now she was alone.

Smiling, she walked to the middle of the bullpen, looking around once more. Where had Gibbs and McGee gone to? She hadn't noticed them leaving.

Shaking the thought of, she stood in the middle of the room, for a moment thinking about what to do now she had this precious moment on her own.

She didn't need to think, really. Her mind already knew.

* * *

**_I can't believe I have to wait two weeks for Silent Night! Stupid week-breaks! _**

* * *


End file.
